QA問(wèn)答：你克服自卑的故事是什么？

Alan Davidson
This answer may surprise you.
I think my self-esteem was lowest when I was in my 30s. I was doing work I didn’t want to do, had no steady relationship, lived in a single room, and felt that life was never going to be kind to me.
The change started when I decided I’d had enough. I retrained for a job I wanted to do, found a partner who was also a therapist, bought a lovely house with her, and made a new life. BUT…
BUT… My self-esteem was still poor, and so I learned a simple trick…
I dumped the whole idea of self-esteem - it’s too changeable, too ego-based, and it tends to forsake you when you need it most. I didn’t want to value myself because I could do a particular thing, or I owned something, or I looked a certain way - or whatever. I wanted to value myself for no reason other than I was human.

答案可能會(huì)讓你大吃一驚。
我認(rèn)為我30多歲時(shí)自尊心最低。我在做我不想做的工作，沒(méi)有穩(wěn)定的關(guān)系，住在一個(gè)單人房里，感覺(jué)生活永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)對(duì)我好。
當(dāng)我決定我已經(jīng)受夠了的時(shí)候，變化就開始了。我為一份我想做的工作進(jìn)行了再培訓(xùn)，找到了一個(gè)伴侶，她同時(shí)也是一個(gè)心理治療師。和她一起買了一棟漂亮的房子，開始了新的生活。但是……
但是……我的自尊心仍然很低，所以我學(xué)會(huì)了一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的技巧……
我拋棄了自尊的整個(gè)概念——它太易變，太自我，當(dāng)你最需要的時(shí)候，它往往會(huì)拋棄你。我不再想用別的來(lái)衡量我的自我價(jià)值，比如我可以做一些獨(dú)特的事情，我擁有什么，我看起來(lái)怎么樣，等等等等。我只用一件事來(lái)衡量我的價(jià)值：我是個(gè)人。

So, I worked on becoming my own best friend. I decided that if I truly could act as though I loved myself, was kind, supportive, and understanding, then even if I didn’t feel I deserved such wonderful friendship, maybe over time I would change in such a way that I would feel deserving of it.
So whenever you have a few moments (including when you’re going off to sleep) just spend time treating yourself as you would someone you love. Talk to yourself in a kind, loving way and act towards yourself as you would a friend that you love. And when you get it wrong - and you’ll do that plenty of times! - then apologise as you would to a friend.
In time you will get to love yourself in the very best sense of the word.
Good luck!

所以，我努力成為自己最好的朋友。我認(rèn)為，只要我一直表現(xiàn)得我很愛(ài)自己，對(duì)自己很友善，給自己支持和理解，那么即使剛開始我感覺(jué)自己不配擁有如此美妙的友誼，也許隨著時(shí)間的推移，我會(huì)改變這種心態(tài)，我會(huì)覺(jué)得自己值得擁有它。
所以，每當(dāng)你有幾分鐘空閑的時(shí)間（包括你睡覺(jué)前），花點(diǎn)時(shí)間好好對(duì)待自己，就像對(duì)待你愛(ài)的人一樣。用一種友善、充滿愛(ài)的方式和自己交談，像對(duì)待你所愛(ài)的朋友一樣對(duì)待自己。當(dāng)你做不到的時(shí)候——很多時(shí)候你都會(huì)失敗——像對(duì)朋友道歉一樣對(duì)自己道歉。
總有一天，你會(huì)用最恰當(dāng)?shù)姆绞綈?ài)自己。
祝你好運(yùn)！

Michael Bosman
After a lot of deep work on myself
I grew up with a lot of self-esteem issues.
My father, bless his soul, was a manic-depressive who would constantly berate my lack of enthusiasm for anything work-related or anything he viewed as worthwhile and fun.
On the flipside, my mother, who is the rock of the family, would do her best to build up my confidence, only for my dad to smash it to pieces whenever I failed to live up to his expectations.

在對(duì)自己進(jìn)行了大量深入研究之后，
我發(fā)現(xiàn)我從小時(shí)候起就有很多自尊問(wèn)題。
我的父親，保佑他的靈魂，是一個(gè)躁狂抑郁癥患者，他會(huì)不斷因?yàn)槟切┧J(rèn)為有價(jià)值和樂(lè)趣，而我覺(jué)得缺乏樂(lè)趣的工作而責(zé)怪我。
另一方面，我的母親是家里的中堅(jiān)力量，她會(huì)盡全力樹立我的信心，但每當(dāng)我辜負(fù)父親的期望時(shí)，父親就會(huì)把我的信心打得粉碎。

This manifested itself into social anxiety and awkwardness around others.
I never fit in with any group or clique in school and spent school holidays and weekends on my own most of the time because I felt different and took any type of criticism personally.
Although I managed to make some lasting friendships, I was never able to feel comfortable around other people and this lack of confidence stayed with me well into my adulthood.

后果就是社交焦慮和面對(duì)他人時(shí)的難為情。
我從不與學(xué)校里的任何團(tuán)體或派系打交道，大部分時(shí)間都是自己度過(guò)學(xué)校假期和周末，因?yàn)槲腋杏X(jué)不自在，覺(jué)得任何批評(píng)都是對(duì)的。
雖然我成功地建立了一些持久的友誼，但在別人身邊我從來(lái)都感覺(jué)不舒服，這種缺乏自信一直伴隨著我，直到我成年。

For many years, I was the same scared, nervous, and unconfident person that I was in my childhood and adolescence.
I`ve missed out on so many opportunities socially, financially, physically, and spiritually simply because I didn`t have the confidence to take the leap and get outside of my comfort zone.
One day, I`d had enough of this and decided to overcome my low self-esteem and become the type of person who can thrive in any situation.
Here`s how I did it:

很多年來(lái)，我都是和童年和青春期一樣害怕、緊張和沒(méi)有自信的人。
我錯(cuò)過(guò)了很多社交、財(cái)務(wù)、身體和精神上的機(jī)會(huì)，僅僅是因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有信心邁出這一步，走出我的舒適區(qū)。
有一天，我受夠了這一切，決定克服自卑，成為那種在任何情況下都能茁壯成長(zhǎng)的人。
我是這樣做的：

I spent 6 months working on myself
One Christmas Eve I had had enough.
I was sitting at the counter of my local watering hole having another beer.
I was overweight, broke, unhappy, and lonely.
I am not sure what it was, but I had a Damascene moment there and then.
I immediately left the bar and decided to completely uproot my life and work on improving myself from top to bottom.
For the next six months, I quit drinking, partying, going out, eating junk food and had no social life whatsoever.
Every day I worked on my personal development and learning all I could about health, wealth, relationships, and success.

我花了6個(gè)月的時(shí)間鍛煉自己。
一個(gè)圣誕節(jié)前夕，我感覺(jué)自己受夠了。
我坐在當(dāng)?shù)鼐瓢傻墓衽_(tái)旁，又喝了一杯啤酒。
我超重、破產(chǎn)、不快樂(lè)、孤獨(dú)。
我不知道為什么，但就在那一刻，我決定轉(zhuǎn)變。
我立刻離開了酒吧，決定徹底擺脫過(guò)去的生活，努力從頭到尾的提高自己。
在接下來(lái)的六個(gè)月里，我戒了酒，戒了聚會(huì)，戒了旅游，戒了吃垃圾食品，沒(méi)有任何社交生活。
每天我都致力于個(gè)人發(fā)展，盡我所能學(xué)習(xí)健康、財(cái)富、人際關(guān)系和成功。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.nxnpts.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

In that time I developed a strong morning routine that set provided a confident, powerful start to each and every day.
I worked on improving my business daily and managed to reach my business goals, get more clients and significantly improve my income.
I completed two three-month workout programs, working out 5–6 days a week every morning from 6 am. I made tremendous progress in my strength and muscle gains and dropped around 15 pounds of body fat
I read some positive, uplifting personal development material every day along with the newspaperand some fiction at night to help me sleep.
That six-month period was probably the most productive, successful, healthy, and positive time of my life.

在那段時(shí)間里，我養(yǎng)成了一套很強(qiáng)大的晨練習(xí)慣，為每一天都提供了一個(gè)自信、有力的開始。
我每天都在努力改善我的業(yè)務(wù)，并設(shè)法實(shí)現(xiàn)了我的業(yè)務(wù)目標(biāo)，獲得了更多的客戶，顯著提高了我的收入。
我完成了兩個(gè)為期三個(gè)月的鍛煉計(jì)劃，每周鍛煉5-6天，從早上6點(diǎn)開始鍛煉。我在力量和肌肉方面取得了巨大進(jìn)步，減少了大約15磅的體脂。
我每天都會(huì)閱讀一些積極的、令人振奮的個(gè)人發(fā)展材料，以及報(bào)紙和一些小說(shuō)來(lái)幫助我入睡。
那六個(gè)月可能是我一生中最富有成效、最成功、最健康、最積極的時(shí)期。

Ryan Boothe
I stopped blaming other people for my problems. I realized that, as cliché as this may sound, if I was going to have the kind of life I wanted, I had to make it happen myself.
It wasn’t easy and, to be honest, it’s something I still struggle with. Blaming others is so very tempting because I’m usually right. I’m surrounded by imperfect people who rarely do things as well as they should.

我不再為我的問(wèn)題責(zé)備別人。盡管這聽起來(lái)很老套，但我意識(shí)到，如果我要過(guò)我想要的生活，我必須自己去實(shí)現(xiàn)。
這并不容易，老實(shí)說(shuō)，這是我仍在努力解決的問(wèn)題。責(zé)備別人很誘人，因?yàn)檫@樣做，我便一直是對(duì)的。我周圍都是不完美的人，他們很少能把事情做完美。

But that’s never going to change.
Yes, try to surround yourself with high caliber people, but they will let you down, say something stupid, do a half-baked job, etc. Everyone makes mistakes.
You can influence people but you only have control over you. Make better decisions. Don’t procrastinate. Work towards a goal that you want to achieve.
Do that for a year and you’ll find that you struggle very, very little with self-esteem.

但一直如此，人生永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)改變。
是的，盡量和高素質(zhì)的人群在一起，但是，他們也會(huì)讓你失望，會(huì)說(shuō)一些蠢話，做一些計(jì)劃不完善的工作，等等。每個(gè)人都會(huì)犯錯(cuò)。
你可以影響別人，但你只能控制自己。做出更好的決定。不要拖延。朝著你想要實(shí)現(xiàn)的目標(biāo)努力。
如果你堅(jiān)持一年，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)你不會(huì)再被自尊問(wèn)題困擾。

Ed Stanfield
Your self-esteem is driven by your self-image.
Change your self-image, and everything else falls into alignment.
Self-esteem
Self-confidence
Self-actualization
You may not even be aware of your self-image.
Take out a piece of paper and answer these questions.
Am I afraid to try something new?
Am I afraid of failure
Am I afraid to ask a question?
Am I afraid to express an opinion?

你的自尊是由你的自我印象驅(qū)動(dòng)的。
改變你的自我印象，其他一切都會(huì)協(xié)調(diào)一致。
1、自尊
2、自信
3、自我實(shí)現(xiàn)
你甚至可能沒(méi)有意識(shí)到自己的自我印象。
拿出一張紙，回答以下問(wèn)題。
1、我害怕嘗試新事物嗎？
2、我害怕失敗嗎？
3、我害怕問(wèn)問(wèn)題嗎？
4、我害怕表達(dá)意見嗎？

Answer honestly.
If you like the answers - fine.
If you don’t like the answers, it’s time to re-tool your self-image.
The best resource I know is the methods in the classic book: Psych-Cybernetics.
It was written by a plastic surgeon that discovered changing someone’s physical appearance wasn't always effective.
They had a self-image that was rooted in the original appearance.
He shifted his practice to counseling and therapy in order to discover a way to perform surgery on their self-image.
The basis of his methodology was focused visualizations and he successfully taught thousands of patients his methods.

誠(chéng)實(shí)回答。
如果你喜歡你的答案——這很好。
如果你不喜歡你的答案，是時(shí)候重新塑造你的自我印象了。
我所知道的最好的資源是經(jīng)典著作《心理控制術(shù)》中的方法。
這是一位整形外科醫(yī)生寫的，他發(fā)現(xiàn)改變某人的外表并不總是有效的。
他們的自我印象植根于最初的外表。
為了找到一種對(duì)他們的自我印象進(jìn)行手術(shù)的方法，他將自己的實(shí)踐轉(zhuǎn)向心理咨詢和治療。
他的方法論的基礎(chǔ)是注意力集中可視化，他成功地教會(huì)了數(shù)千名患者他的方法。

Multiple times a day, the patient would sit quietly and create a visualization of behaving in a way consistent with their desired self-image.
They made this as real as possible by including all 5 sense in their visualization.
Over time, the visualizations started to become real.
The power of the mind is underrated - we just need to feed it the right information - not the negative self-talk that runs in a loop in our heads all day.
If you think this is similar to the experiments where basketball players practiced free-throws in their mind and showed real improvement - you are correct.

每天，患者會(huì)多次安靜地坐著，以符合其期望的自我印象的方式對(duì)自己的行為進(jìn)行可視化。
在可視化幻想中，通過(guò)五種感官，盡可能真實(shí)的實(shí)現(xiàn)這一點(diǎn)。
隨著時(shí)間的推移，可視化開始成為現(xiàn)實(shí)。
頭腦的力量被低估了——我們只需要給它提供正確的信息——而不是整天在我們腦海中循環(huán)的消極自我對(duì)話。
如果你認(rèn)為這類似于籃球運(yùn)動(dòng)員在腦海中練習(xí)罰球并表現(xiàn)出真正進(jìn)步的實(shí)驗(yàn)，那么你是對(duì)的。

Pranjala Tiwari
I guess there is just one solution to get you out from it: Learning
Learn by exploring, travelling, reading, taking responsibilities and or pursuing a hobby or anything that would make you acceptable to yourself.
Once you accept yourself proudly, no one including yourself can ever make you feel insecure or low self esteemed again!

我想只有一個(gè)辦法可以讓你擺脫困境：學(xué)習(xí)
通過(guò)探索、旅行、閱讀、承擔(dān)責(zé)任和/或追求愛(ài)好，或任何能讓你自己接受的事情來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)。
一旦你自豪的接納了自己，包括你自己在內(nèi)的任何人都不會(huì)再讓你感到不安全或自卑！

AK Arun Krish
Why should we have low self-esteem?
It is the default nature of the mind. We fail many times as we start out as a baby and grow into adulthood. Simple walking, we fail many times. All these failures result in physical and emotional pain. The brain registers those pain moment to remind of those failures to protect us from future failures/pain. Characteristic of self-talk having low self-esteem:

為什么我們會(huì)自卑？
這是心靈的默認(rèn)本性。當(dāng)我們從嬰兒開始到成年時(shí)，我們會(huì)失敗很多次。簡(jiǎn)單的走路，我們會(huì)失敗很多次。所有這些失敗都會(huì)導(dǎo)致身體和精神上的痛苦。大腦記錄這些痛苦時(shí)刻，提醒那些失敗，以保護(hù)我們免受未來(lái)的失敗/痛苦。自卑的人會(huì)這樣對(duì)自己說(shuō)話：

· I cannot do it.
· It is too hard for me.
· I don’t deserve it.
· I am a failure.
· I am not intelligent or smart enough.
· People don’t like me.
· I am not good at interaction or conversation.
· I have nothing to offer or talk in a conversation.
· I don’t fit in the group.
· I don’t belong here.

·我做不到。
·這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)太難了。
·我不配。
·我是個(gè)失敗者。
·我不夠聰明。
·人們不喜歡我。
·我不擅長(zhǎng)互動(dòng)或?qū)υ挕?br /> ·和人聊天時(shí)，我沒(méi)有什么可以提供或談?wù)摰摹?br /> ·我不適合這個(gè)群體。
·我不屬于這里。

The list goes on. Any negative talk is due to low self-esteem. One of the advantages of having low self-esteem is we don’t have to venture out to do new or challenging tasks. We can play safe and survive.
How do we overcome low self-esteem?

清單還在繼續(xù)。任何對(duì)自己的負(fù)面言論都是因?yàn)樽员?。自卑的?yōu)點(diǎn)之一是我們不必冒險(xiǎn)去做新的或具有挑戰(zhàn)性的任務(wù)。我們可以穩(wěn)操勝券。
我們?nèi)绾慰朔员埃?/b>